i’ve been digging deep into my memories as to figure out why i ended up so distrusting and reserved. i finally remembered my childhood treatment with my parents.my mom always assumed that my dad was cheating on her. she talked to me about how he probably has another family, one he would go to when he was upset with outs. she would say, “he probably has a son because he wanted one and a really pretty wife.” she was always suspicious of him and told me, in tears, how i would be living with her if the time ever came to that.my parents constantly threatened to give me away to an orphanage or leave me alone at a store. they’d also get pissed off when i’d act up at a place, saying that the next time they were gonna go somewhere, they’d leave me alone at home. that type of stuff is daunting for a five-eight year old.additionally, my feelings were always the culprit. my mom would yell at me if i was crying, even if my sadness wasn’t directed towards her. i was always the “dramatic child” and the “attention seeker.” every time, every time i showed an emotion other than happiness or content, she would be fury eyed and critical.looking back at these events, i’ve come to realize why i have deep rooted trust issues and abandonment fears. i’ve never been in stable relationships with my family, friends, or lovers due to a foundation of “they have another lover”, “i’ll just leave you here if you keep acting this way”, and “you’re being dramatic.” living with them today, seeing them every morning, hurts because i always have these at the back of my mind. i know i can’t trust them and i wanna move out like all hell. but i’m barely into my sophomore year of high school and i don’t even have a job to support me. all these memories are reminding me that i can never, ever trust them and i have proof as to why i can’t. but it doesn’t stop from hurting.