hello there i just need to talk about me and where i’m at right now. i’m very young but i’m constantly craving attention and validation from older men. i’ve always found older men very attractive and i think i always will. but recently i’ve been wanting to get into an abusive relationship. i want to be in the relationship where he hits me and i stay at home and clean and make food for him so he can come home and be proud of me. as the reward he would unconsenually have sex with me and then the cycle would repeat. a few affairs he would have while i waited for him to come home would make my day. i know it’s wrong and it kills me to know that i’m so fucked up for wanting it. i don’t know what to do anymore. i just want to be loved. i just want a man to tell me how much he loves me even if it means in the worst circumstances.