Fuuuuuuuuuck!!!!The only thing I have is my kids and they’re all going to leave me...freaking out that I’ll be alone with nothing, shortly. My kids are 18. 16, and 11. I took on a leadership role In my school district about five years ago… And shortly there after my marriage unraveled. I’m not gonna lie… I kind of called it in at work for about three years because my family needed me and I needed to pay attention to my mental health. But for the last three years I have been fucking killing it at work.... or so I thought.last week I applied for a principalship I didn’t even get an interview. At my school I seriously do way more than my principal actually does, and the staff all come to me with their issues. Maybe I had a weak resume and cover letter??? (which I don’t think it’s the case), maybe my references weren’t strong???? (in which case those people were totally fucking lying to my face because they wrote amazing letters), maybe I totally missed something, but I am totally crushed because for the last three years all I have done is give my all to work. And when I applied I didn’t even get an interview! I don’t get it. I totally feel like giving up.The shittiest thing is this… I feel like I have no friends I can talk about this with. My friends all have significant others, and lives, and children, and rewarding careers, and they don’t have to worry about income. Or their retirement. The person on his shoulder I would normally have cried with my moms, but she’s old, and confused, and would’ve had nothing to say except that which would irritate me. So the shoulder I cried on with my 16-year-old daughters which is completely not fair of me to do to her. Because it’s totally not her problem she should be worried about 16-year-old problems. But I feel like I have nobody else in my life.at this point I feel like I should say that I am in a five year “Relationship” with someone who I met online about six weeks after I split up from my husband.He is not my forever guy. He’s a drunk, he’s extremely good looking, he’s dumber than a bag of hammers, and it’s just easier to keep him around, generally, then it would be to break up with him. I’ve tried a couple of times and it’s more trouble than it’s worth. But the fact that I feel like I can’t even bother bringing up this incredibly painful piece of my life with him because he’s drunk and won’t have anything useful to offer is really really sad. and it makes me wonder why am with himand it also makes me wonder why I put up with less for myselfand now I’m sitting here wondering why I don’t do more to cultivate my friendships because eventually I won’t have work, and I won’t have kids, and maybe I won’t have a guy, so I better have some friends.i’m just really grateful that I had to have a Covid test today, so I’m off the hook for work tomorrow and Friday, so I have a couple of days to lick my wounds, get some perspective, and figure out what to do next.fuck me… I can’t believe I didn’t even get an interview… And I can’t believe that the man who is sleeping in my bed Yes someone and I don’t even feel like bothering getting into it with. How did I get here in my life?