5 months ago
Time Spent- 44m
23 Visitors

Midnight thoughts

To anyone who read this,

Have you ever felt that you have no one you can talk to, not because you do not trust them but you are just too embarassed to tell something (dark secret), that had been bothering you since a long time? Plus in my past experience, i threw some hint on social media that later i realized that was so unnecessary, what i got was labeling and losing best friend instead of sympathy. I used to cry almost everyday, i have met a psycholog but it was not going well, it doesnt work at all. I just tell them just a little part of small problem i have at school (like i have annoying group friends who do not want to do their job) but they cannot do anything for this. My depression gotten worse knowing they know about some of my problem and if they think i living such a lame life. I wake up feeling like shit and useless, talentless, invicible person with no beauty inside out, i deserve no love, attention. No wonder i have no social life. Sometimes i imagine about suicide but i never really commited do it.

I drown myself more in my hobby to distract myself and express my emotion little by little. Im aleeady tried to open up but it is not that easy. It is a real struggle to control myself not being oversharing that sometimes i prefer to keep quiet.

Im sharing this to feel a bit relieved. If there are other ppl who have more or less the same problem, i wonder how they deal with this. I desperadely need to be more confidence for the sake of my future, i dont want to be burdened with this shame for life. I dont want ppl around me to get influenced by negative vibes i radiate, instead i want to make ppl who care about me be happy by my presence.

And also, i want you who are struggling with anxiety and depression like me, to know that you are not alone. I hope we can be winner in our inner conflict.

(Its 3am, i cant and my anxiety triggered, everyone is sleeping and i have no one to talk to. I should remind myself not to drink any coffee b4 sleep especially during quarantine days)

Im sorry if there is any grammar mistake, english is not my native language :(