mindless rant

Time Spent- 9m
10 Visitors

school is the worst. it’s caused so many problems for me, when i was in elementary school, everything came easily to me, and then once middle school hit everything went down hill. i realized how stupid i was, and got sad, and also was burdened by the weight of knowing nothing matters. what am i even saying. my issues don’t matter cause there not even issues. i’m just finding excuses for my shitty behavior. i hate myself. i don’t actually hate myself it’s just i’m mad at myself, and the world. that sounded so edgy but it’s true. why do we live in this society?? we work our entire lives for what? nothing. we get married have kids then die. i don’t want that, but what can i have? i have terrible work ethic, i’m lazy, and literally the stupidest person i know. i cannot see myself living past 19 or 20. i don’t want to get old, i don’t want to deal with the stress of bills and taxes and working, i’ve seen what it’s done to my parents and i never ever want to live that life. i’m so hopeless for my future, every time i try to imagine it, nothing comes to mind. i say i want to travel! i want to venture the world! but i don’t want anything. i have no inspiration, no goals, and no motivation. so why live? what’s the point of living if i can’t enjoy life and do things that make me happy? thing is nothing makes me truly happy, i have no hobbies and nothing i really like to do, i just waste away. i just consume entertainment then sleep. i want so badly to create something that inspires people, but i’m terrible at writing and drawing, i used to love to do those things but every time i sit down and try to do them i end up angry cause it’s so difficult. alright i’m done mindlessly ranting, i just spent like 10 minutes searching for an answer as to why am i alive, but i know i’ll never find the answer i want. i’m sorry.