I just miss my mom so much. She got severely sick this spring, not covid-related the stress just finally got to her. Thanks to this pandemic I can't even go see her though, I've tried video chatting but what good is that if she can't even speak or move. I'm so anxious of how Christmas is going to be without her, Christmas was always her favorite holiday and she always spends it with family, I can't bear the thought of how she's going to feel on Christmas eve. We haven't even decorated or plan any preparations this year because of it. I hate all of this. I hate Christmas and I hate this life.