I'm an adult and I can't remember the last time had a real conversation with my father. I still live with my parents (thx corona), so I see him everyday, but we don't talk.
If we "talk", it usually escalates very quickly.
He demands I listen and agree, all day, every day. Whatever he babbles on about.
Cars, VW, Stocks, trading, bitcoins, aliens etc.
He's always done this. He fixates easily.
for a few years now, I can't stand being around him. He doesn't "talk" with me, he talks at me. Only at me.
I think he never learnt how to really converse with others and how to take their needs into account.
He uses a robotic voice, as if he's rehearsing something he wrote about in one of his forums, to stubbornly tell me about something which doesn't interest me. Over and over and over again.
He doesn't care whether I'm stressed, working, hurting or feeling ill.
As a teen, I once told him "I'm feeling ill, my head hurts really bad. Please, please be quiet" and he felt provoked into talking louder.
I learnt that he didn't care. He is a selfish person who prioritizes himself every time.
All that matters are his needs and he wants people to hang onto every word he says and to admire his every word.
I asked my mother something important a few days ago:
"Mom, when was the last time you had a *real* conversation with him? A real dialogue, a give and take. A conversation where you didn't feel like you have to hold yourself and your own needs back just to satisfy his?"
She said "When we are on vacation together. Sometimes. If he had some time away from his forums."
Then she added "the things he does every day, several times a day, all day - it won't ever stop, he won't change"
Imagine that. Once a year for a few days.
That's what my mother feels as the only time she can really have a "conversation" with her husband.
As for me, I'd say "never" with my father, because he sees me as less than him, because I'm his child, and therefore he thinks I owe him.
I feel like I never had a real conversation with him.
He's just talking and talking and talking and he just wants me to admire his knowledge and opinions all the time.
And when I'm silent and disinterested, because I don't care to prioritize his needs over mine anymore, he explodes and yells how I'm disrespecting him and how shallow I am to not concern myself with all the things he finds important.
I've lived with this dude for over twenty years now, and he doesn't know me at all.
It makes me sad and so frustrated