Most nights, I cry myself to sleep. I cry because there's a thought that comes to mind during the dark hours, the thought of not knowing if I will be okay or not. Will I die tomorrow? Will tomorrow be a better day or worse? Well there's no knowing, for a whole year desperately trying to get into see doctors because I can't go to the emergencies, Is this an emergency? I ask myself. So I wait and I have my patience, I do. Even after everything and all the excruciating pain, I have no complaints because atleast it comes and goes, atleast. I don't want to die yet, i've barely even lived man. So what come's out of all of this? nothing? Did I learn anything? maybe a few things. I really hate myself because of my health, I thought that it was normal getting sick and having problems throughout my life, even when I was just a kid. Until a couple years ago, I realized that it was just my normal. In and out of the emergency I was, in and out of the hospital I am. What makes this all worse? Is that I felt something that I've never felt before... loneliness.
Now you don't understand what it is to truly be lonely, to lack love and care in your life- until you're in the hospital and there's no one by your bedside. There's no one visiting, no one checking up on you or telling you that everythings going to be okay, even when damn well you know it might not be. There's no one there to tell you that they love you and that just breaks my heart, I've felt alot of pain in my life and that has got to be the top 5.