He's the pressure on my chest whenever I get anxious. He makes my heart and nerves tingle with curiosity and nervousness. I yearn to touch all of his edges and curves. To feel the possible excitement by a simple placement of his pink lips on mine. He is the danger I want to chase, but am held by my brain and entitlements of another. He's the curiosity that is going to end what I have worked long and hard for. He is the missing piece in my heart, that needs to feel the affection of another. My heart loves the boy I chose, but had a lustful wraithful creature that wants to tear apart any man who even glances at me. His slight kindness and acknowledgment sends my creature into a spit fire, and lustful rage. Even the slightest notion or conversation held between us convinces my demon to believe he is infatuated, and makes my skin crawl with the need to commit to something I do not need. I am privileged to have the love I have been given by my other half. Yet my inner demons feel the need to seek the approval and love from others. My creature craves to feel his golden rusted curled locks of hair. To know what his masculine hands feel like when they cup my face, and trail down my aching body. The only thing holding me back, is my sane intuition that tells my demon over and over again to stop this nonsense and see the love in front of my simple face. To not give in to this stupidity. I am thankful for this almost guardian like creature compared to the other. The guardian keeps me grounded, and not commit to something that will in turn hurt another very badly, and as well as my own fragile emotions. The constant battle between my creature and guardian is horrendous, but manageable. My demon wants to know what and how he feels. What he thinks about. What does his kindness truly feel like other than him speaking to me. My guardian reminds me of what I truly have, and what my demon wants it is already receiving. This is my battle, this is my selfishness in its purest form.