I have never told my story to another person because I think people are going to judge me and maybe to get my family in trouble and that makes me so scared. I just turned 18 last month and I am in a weird situation but sometimes I feel bad and other times not so much.
My big brother that is 3 years older than me and this started about 4 years ago when people from church were telling my mom that my brother looked like he was gay and one time my father beat him really bad that left so many marks all over his body that I went to his bed to comfort him. We hugged and cried together and then he asked me to rub lotion on him to help with the pain but then his penis was hard and I felt weird but I didn’t think in that moment and I started rubbing it too. We didn’t talk but only looked at each other and then he moved me to the bed and got inside me but I didn’t like it because it was very painful but he said it will help him feel better so I just said it was ok. I never told anybody because my father was very angry all the time when people were saying that my brother was acting like a gay person and I always thought he was going to beat me too.
I don’t know how it happened but my brother started penetrating me more often and sometimes it was everyday and it has been 4 years but now that I am 18 I am even more scared to say something, I don’t like this but we share our bedroom so I can’t go away and sometimes he gets angry when I tell him I don’t want to let him keep doing that to me