I've always had low self-esteem. I honestly believe that guys can sense it and take advantage of my hatred to myself. I do sexual things for guys. I never ask for anything in return and they never offer. I know it's wrong but hooking up with several guys even if I don't really feel in the mood seems to give me a few minutes of their attention. I hate myself for allowing them to use me. I feel like I need to do sexual things just to get a small amount of a guy's attention. I'm so stupid and pathetic for that. I've even tried to stop and start telling guys no. But this just seems to piss them off so I end up doing it anyways. Of course as soon as they get their pleasure they're out the door and I don't hear from them for a couple of weeks when they're ready to get more. They know that I think I'm unattractive and they use that to their full advantage. They don't see me as a girlfriend or even a friend, they just see me as their secret cum dump. While I'm doing anything sexual for them, it takes my mind of my low self-esteem, but as soon as it's over I feel betrayed and used and stupid for once again letting them use me. I know their embarrassed to tell their friends that they hook up with me. They want their friends to see them with the pretty girls. They never ask me for dates like they do with the pretty girls. It's not like they want to take me out in public to a restaurant or something. They want to come over my house only late at night, get off, and then take off. Then I see them or hear them talking about how pretty a girl is all while using me.