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My Career Wish

Since I turned 19 years old I have had this wish to become a porn star. It's weird because porn used to gross me out a couple of years ago. I want to be known as being sexy, beautiful, and to be famous and rich from doing porn movies. Anyways I started wondering why do I have this deep passion to be something that once I despised? Then I actually figured out why. It's because guys treat me like a sec doll. I'm used all the time. If I'm not in the mood they get huffy and mad until I just give I'm and let them. Then as soon as they're finished with me they look at the clock and say "damn it's already that time?" "I need to get going". They don't even want to give me a kiss bye. I'm lucky if I get a hug. I figured since that's all guys make me feel like I'm worth, then I should be doing it professionally and getting paid for my performance. I've even thought to myself many times that I don't have to give these guys sex unless I just wanted to. But having severe low self-esteem I know that for a few minutes it's the only attention I'm going to be getting from a guy. They never say anything about getting me off either. If I mention that it's only fair, they say something like well I will next time for you but right now it's time for me to get going.