Ever since I can remember I have been depressed. Elementary, middle, high school, and now college. My life has been a never ending cycle of a lot of downs and very little ups. Yes, I have a loving family and everything but hey everyone has their problems. Right now I am sitting in my dorm room, the same place I have been sitting since I have arrived back from winter break. I can't even remember the last time I went out much less when I even had fun. I have a basic routine everyday; I wake up, smoke, watch tv, smoke, and repeat that cycle until I am about to go to bed. The thing is people might look at me and say well that's lazy but you couldn't understand until you experienced it. The motivation to do every day tasks seem impossible. I don't eat right if I even eat at all, I barely clean my room just because I can't, and I sleep more than I am awake. This has been going on for many years, those years which I was able to hide this from my family and friends. Sometimes it feels like no one cares, I used to cut myself and even then it felt like still no one cared about how I felt or what was wrong with me. I just really want this part of my life to end so I can move on. I just want to be happy.