My constant self-sabotage

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I can’t believe I’m posting this on the internet, at least it’s anonymously! Anyone else still in love with someone they should not be in love with? Some part of me still holds on to this hope that him and I will end up together. When we first started talking it was like I knew him my whole life it was an instant connection. Months go by and I fall in love and we both grow an attachment to one another. My insecurities come in and start to tell me I don’t deserve him, I’m not good enough for him, he deserves the world and more. He deserves someone prettier than me. These thoughts caused me to not take the next step with him, and fairly he got sick of it and moved on. Looking back, yes partially it’s my fault but there are a lot of toxic behaviours on his end too but it was despite all of that, that I loved him. I never missed the red flags I saw them all, his good qualities in my eyes out weighted the red flags. What I would do to go back to the way things were, when he was my person and I was his. He’s in a relationship right now and I wish him nothing but happiness. But part of still holds out this hope that years later him and I will find our way back to one another.

p.s. if anyone acc bothers reading this, I hope y’all are doing well (I’m only posting on here bc I needed to accept my feelings and stop denying them and my friends will make this a bigger deal than it is)

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