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My Existence

Its late into the night again and im left wondering about who i am and what am i really doing here. what purpose do i serve and why do i have to experience this life as whats planned out for me. it seems all too black and white , we all tend to think were special and in some way; the main character in this life, but its not generally true. we want a purpose , reason as to why we are here to why we live everyday to just have the same routine played over and over. This is what i think about a lot. what is my purpose , am i just gonna go through the customary education for years - be frustrated and pressured by grades and exams to then be told i have to work in order to live and become this upstanding person in society. my dreams dont even feel like the things i want to do anymore, it may seem that this is what everyone experiences in this day and age ,you may think that im asking for attention, part of it may be true .Starved of attention , thrown into a life to which i have no knowledge of and am expected to make something of it. im not depressed but i fear that this message along with anything ive ever done in life willl just be worth nothing because just like everyone and this crippling cycle of time , i will die. i dont really know what to say or if its meaningful but knowing that nothing matters and that everyone ends up the same way in end is sort of comforting? just like me sitting up late right now and typing this effortless message to people i dont know is meaningless in its own way , none of it logical nor does it hold any importance. life feels that way. time is whats kicking me in the butt , its what i fear the most. knowing that i will no longer be the person who i am or who i wish to be saddens me , i wish to stay the same , i wish that i hold meaning or that something or someone out there no matter how small sees that i hold this importance. At least to someones life. this is a jumble , my feelings are all over the place but to the end ,to eternity this wont even exist or matter.