I just realized why I can’t be close to my family. Their warmth is inconsistent, like spotty cell service. They shine the spotlight on you and for a moment you feel like everything is ok. The blanket is on you and you are cared for and just when you open up, they turn off the warmth and leave you hanging. It’s subtle so it’s hard to call them on it but damn does it suck. It’s like a really slight rollercoaster that lasts decades and the ache gets fuller and duller but it’s still there. I could try to talk to them about it but honestly, I don’t think it would do much good in the long run. They would feel bad, act like they are surprised I feel that way, but not really try to change. They are low maintenance people and the saddest part of it all is that I do the same thing ans they probably feel the same way I do.