Hello, and thank you, who ever will read this.
First of all im not looking for any sort of support or advice, just to see if someone else went through same thing, like i did. Which i believe, someone did.
Okay, so i firmly believe that my father hates me, because of my sexuality. I'm a male, in my 30's, and a bisexual. Ever since my father got to know my orientation, which was clocked out by my evil ex, he started to hate me. Like, fucking hate me. No help, no assitance, just pure hate. It started little after my highschool, he would insult me, threaten me, get in physical fights with me, say how im a ''sin'' to god, since my family is extremely religous and all that bullshit.
But the hate from him as a father, to me as his son, i just dont really understand. His behavior is wild, he acts like i killed someone, all that toxic spite and hate, etc. I was a good kid, good son, good student, like what the fuck you want from me more? I really hate him too, i dont wanna lie. Then later as a ''young adult'' i also got a son, which was honestly unplanned, but, here, i thought, cool ill become a dad, he will become a grandfather, and that things will soothe. But no. Then i realized my father is a piece of shit, and a walking evil on this earth. A person who demands respect from everyone around him, but gives so little in return. Basically he threw me out of family house. Right between i would get into college, he threw me out, he said son, aka ''the bastard'' wont eat and live under his roof, so he gave me no money, i had no fucking cent, he literally threw me out with a baby in my hands and told me to go. Not even let me stay for a fucking month, before i find a job?? WTF?? Fucking inhuman piece of shit...Anyway fast forward, i finished colleges, found work, money, raised my son, yada yada... as my fucking responsibility, (im a single father, that is another fucked up story i dont wanna get into), and now its all good.. and still after 15 years, its still bugging me, didnt i fucking deserve better? They are my only family i have yet, we act like hyenas? Didnt i deserve support and decent life? From man i always respected, helped and been his right hand? Fucking disappointing. I dont know how to get of this sadness, honestly what he did haunts me even to this day. How did anyone who went thru similar deal with the ghosts of past? i tried to let go, but it keeps coming back.
Anyways lol, thanks to anyone who read and will read this.