My father beat me today.
I’m 23 and today my father beat me. It is not the first time and probably not the last. I’ve always been beaten by him, and other people in my family. I used to have marks on my body and I still have some. And it’s okay, I’ve accepted this. I’ve accepted that I’m not perfect that’s why they beat me and that they’re also not perfect.
I overthink a lot. I and people around me always find me staring at something and lost in thoughts. I’m always thinking about one thing or the other. I think about all the bad things that can happen in any given situation. I don’t feel I’m destructive but I’ve done some bad things to people who have tried to hurt me.
I cry in front of people. I don’t think crying has anything to do with weakness. I’m not weak I know that. I just feel I’ve had enough now. I want to leave everyone and I may realise later that I over-reacted but today, at this moment, I want to leave.
I share my feelings, I tell people what I want and I still don’t get it. They say they won’t disappoint me but somehow they still manage too. People promise me they won’t leave or hurt me, but they do.
I’m just tired of being called a selfish person, I’m only trying to live. I’m going through a very hard phase right now and my overthinking is just making it worse.
please just let me be. If you can’t help me just look away. Let me go through this quietly. Don’t shout. Please.