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My First Crush...

I'm rlly tired rn so excuse any grammar errors

Ive been crushing on a friend recently- the past two or three months that is. They're the first person I've ever had a serious crush on, and now I feel rlly empty and upset bc I just want to be closer with them! I often search for reasons to start up conversation with them but I can never come up with one and feel sad every time they go offline without saying hi. They recently broke up with their partner, and I feel bad for both of them, but I also feel happy bc it makes an opening for me! There's no way it would work out though... I'm almost 100% positive. Grade school relationships never work out anyways, right? And there's no way I'm ready for one. At least that's what I tell myself... but I'm old enough to have a partner! Many kids my age do, and it's not even a ridiculous thing. My parents and grandparents have always told me: "NO DATING" my entire life and I think it's influencing the way I pursue things.

Nevermind all that.. I want to confess to them soon. I'm scared they'll reject me, but I have to do it sooner or later. *sigh* That's all for now thx for reading.