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My Friends

So me and my friends have been together since kindergarten. We are really close. They are all Asian, and I am white (this is important to the story later). We usually have fun playing video games together. This story also takes place when the black lives matter protests were happening everywhere. So I was jumping in a FaceTime call with the group of friends, when I noticed some of my other friends were online. I asked the friends I was playing with if I could invite them to the FaceTime call, and they said I could. Now we usually make edgy jokes, so I told them to be a little bit nicer because my other friends had never talked to them before. (Btw they went way further than they ever had before with the jokes). So we got in to the FaceTime call, and everything was normal. I was actually having fun and so was everyone else. Then, out of nowhere, one of the friends (we will call him Friend A) starts saying some awful things. He starts saying stuff like “oh yeah we r*pe kids” and all kinds of other things. Now for some reason, I was still okay with this because I’ve heard Friend A day that before. But then Friend A starts saying the n word. He’s Asian. And he KEEPS SAYING IT. Over and over again. And the other friends in that friend group just start laughing. The friends that I invited have left and later they texted me that they felt uncomfortable (they are white). After they leave and I get the texts, I tell my friends (especially Friend A) that they made my other friend’s uncomfortable. And then they said I was racist for calling them out on it. I had repeatedly told them beforehand that they couldn’t say anything too edgy, but they took it way to far. They just laughed it off and kept playing. I left the game that day feeling really bad that I didn’t do something more than telling them to stop. I don’t know what to do because I know they are good people (At least when Friend A isn’t around). And I genuinely enjoy hanging out with them, but they have to stop acting this way. I just don’t want to lose my friends.

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Re: My Friends

I get how hard it can be to stand up against people you are close too. I’m also white and sometimes it’s uncomfortable having conversations about race, but it has to be done in order to remove the stigma and stop it from being a difficult subject. Calling people out on their racism is already sometimes messy, and is even harder when the person them self is a minority of some sort, because like your friends did, they might feel entitled to saying other racial slurs. They’re wrong for saying you’re racist for calling them out. You did the right thing and shouldn’t feel bad about that. My advice is don’t let them walk all over you, and don’t let them manipulate you into thinking you did the wrong thing by standing up for the black community and trying to correct them on their use of the n word.