Over the years I've learnt to fine tune the art of protecting myself without truly taking account of the consequences. You can't truly protect yourself without hurting others. Those that truly care about you and want nothing else but to just be let in. Let in completely. And why shouldn't they be? I love them. I'm in love with him. Why shouldn't he come in completely?
He's the only man I've ever fallen in love with multiple times. It's given me emotions I've never dealt with before. I have friends that are truly of the light and I love them, but even them I keep them at Bay.
The smallest slip sends my heart into an ocean of anxiety. It's so heavy, and dense. Like trying to swim in an ocean of slime that's trying it's best to go against you at every turn. He's in the ocean with me but every time I try and touch him I
can't...because it's slime. I can't grab onto him.
A cycle that's been going on for years. I'll surely end up with someone who has a heart that's just as cold as mine. I've grown accustomed to it. How dare I make him do the same.