I was conceived shortly after my father had started college because of me he felt the need to drop out. My mother and him got married because of the pregnancy. My brother was conceived 3 1/2 months after I was born. When I was 2 years old and my younger brother was 1yr old my mother decided she was a lesbian and just left us with our father and disappeared for a while. When I was 4 years old she had my 1/2 brother . He was the product of a 1 night stand and she didn't know his father's name. My mom dumped him on her parents when he was 2 years old and disappeared again. She'd show up very occasionally when it was convenient for her to do so. My father remarried when I was about 3 years old. His new wife was a meth head ... They had my little sister when I was 4 years old as well. My step mom was abusive, my father fed off of it and also became abusive towards me to make her happy. Kindergarten I tried to tell teachers , friends, my grandparents and my mom when she showed up and got me for a few hours . My father has my kindergarten Christmas ornament . The ornament has a picture of me and the black eye he had given me the evening before... No one listened and no one helped. My little brother started standing up for me the next year. He then started getting beaten as well and had hatred towards me. We'd get locked in our rooms and we would talk to eachother through the floor vents. Years of abuse from her and my father. They've never apologized to this day. The summer between 4th & 5th grade my mom decided randomly that she was just going to uproot us from the lives we've known for so long. The living situation with her wasn't much better. My mom would beat us with her belt ... So hard the belts would cut us and make us bleed. No one cared. Her girlfriend at the time was very mentally unstable. She'd flip shit all the time and would chase us down and so much screaming, slamming of doors and broken things... I had my first grand mal seizure that year in my gifted intelligence class. After our mom took us we moved every year. Changed schools every year. I had to make new "friends" every year... I moved around more than most kids in military families. 6th grade we had to move into my Nana's house (mom's mother) to care for her because cancer was literally eating her back. My mom's crazy girlfriend moved in with us and the crazy behavior continued.which added stress to my Nana's care taking and home. My Nana's mind wasn't all there. She would often try to get out of her hospice bed in the middle of the night and fight my mom. My nana would scream my name and tell for me to help her. I didn't get much sleep that year. Also to add since my mom uprooted us from our father he still got us every other weekend. During those weekends the abuse would continue. No matter how much I screamed and kicked they made me go.... I gave up on trying to get help for it. Going back to 5th grade.. there was one time I was so terrified of going to my father's house that I caused a huge scene when they were forcing me into my father's car... I kicked and screamed bloody murder and all the neighbors came outside. My "boyfriend" at the time lived 3 houses down and his mother, sister and him saw everything. A week later I was over there for the weekend because they allowed me over anytime and his mother asked me about what was going on ... I didn't say anything. I knew it was pointless. Speaking up had never helped me and often made things worse. Back to 6th grade. The summer between 6th & 7th grade my dad got us for a week & 1/2. He had left the meth head and had a new girlfriend who was truly amazing and so nice to us. The 4th day we were there my Nana passed away. A month after my Nana's passing my mom uprooted us from MS and drug us to CO. She got out of the relationship with that psycho girlfriend before we left. My father ended up marrying the nice girlfriend shortly after we moved up to CO. That was very short lived because a few hours after the wedding he cheated on her with meth head step mom.... So the nice mom left and meth head was back in the picture. 7 months after moving up to CO my mom's crazy ex flew up to come visit with us. She tried to jump off of our apartment balcony because my mom wouldn't take her back. But this was the time I first started noticing how manipulative my mother was. My mom had invited her up there with a promise they would talk about getting back together and leading her on. Sharing the same bed and of course having intercourse several times during her visit.... Near the end of 7th grade my mom met an even crazier woman. She was an alcoholic with a temper and need to control. After 2 months of dating she moved in.Moving to CO got me away from weekends with my dad... But the summer between 7th and 8th grade I was flown down to spend the summer with him and meth head... The abuse happened through the summer. I dyed my hair black that summer, got into heavy metal & started sexing a lot of guys wanting approval and love by males... Since I'd never had it , it was something I longed for. 8th grade we moved again. With my "new look" and music taste I quickly made friends... The friends I made that year were truly the best and I still talk to many of them to this day. They were always there for me when I needed to get away from the chaos at my home. They all lived within a 2 mile radius of me and their doors were always open. But my mom's current psycho girlfriend made that year and ever living nightmare. I became a "cutter" not for attention... I did it because no one would listen or do anything about all the trauma that I've been through. My epilepsy took a toll on me that year as well. I missed a lot of school. I was also locked up in a mental institute 3 times that year... I liked it there. The staff was nice, I got counseling, it was peaceful.... Near the end of 7th grade my mom's girlfriend was super drunk and going psycho ... She went off on me about cutting she grabbed the largest knife in the kitchen and chased me into my room with it. Screaming "you want to cut here I'll do it for you" she pinned me down on my bed and held the knife to my throat. The whole time my mom and two younger brothers were standing in my bedroom doorway just gawking and doing nothing. I went and reported it to my school counselor the next morning. They called DHS and made me talk to them... After that they called my mom and my mom said I was lying and everything was dropped... I was done trying again. The 4th of July that year her girlfriend was drunk so I went and stayed at a friend's house. My mom called the friend to talk to me and told my friend and I to stay inside because her girlfriend had left and was super drunk and was driving around looking for me. That night her girlfriend pulled a gun on my mom and brothers and my mom called it quits with her. My mom got a restraining order and I moved 3 times with my mom just during the 1st half of freshman year. 2 different highschools during that time. 1/2 way through senior year I had a mental breakdown because everything was just to much for me... My dad was single and I moved back down to MS with him. I made friends there and lost my virginity that year... I also got a friend to pierce my lip using an ice cube to numb it, an eating and sterilizing the ear ring with alcohol & and by burning the earrings tip with a lighter (I had gotten the idea from the movie "Parent Trap" ) .End of 9th grade my father got a new girlfriend. To add my father is the best dad in the world when he's single ... This girlfriend had a 1yr old, she still lived and slept with her baby daddy and the whole situation was off putting. 10th grade they rented a house together . Not just my dad and his girlfriend but the baby daddy , the two year old and my uncle and me. All together... I started getting high that year. I slept around, ran away, had manic depression episodes and my father locked me up in a mental hospital 2 times that year. Again the mental hospitals were like home. They got me away from the chaos at home... I also had friends down the road that the mom let me go over and stay nights anytime I wanted to . She took me in like I was part of the family . I still stay in contact with her to this day as well. My dad married that girlfriend and my mom moved back down from CO . She got back together with the first psycho girlfriend but I moved back in with them cities away from my dad to escape that chaos . I already knew the chaos I was going to move into... 11th grade also consisted of a lot of sex, Weed and alcohol. I also let grades slip and skipped school. The end of the school year I stood up for a boy who I thought was my friend and nearly killed the girl I fought because of a black out. She was bullying him bad and she was just a stuck up bitch that I couldn't stand. Both of us got suspended from the school and were sent to the "Juvy" school across the street for the rest of the year and 1/2 of the next year. My mom's father fell ill the summer between 11th & 12th grade and after 1/2 of senior year we moved back up to CO to care for him. My epilepsy was bad again and the last month of my senior year I homeschooled. After graduation I moved back to MS for the summer. Lots of sex... Lots of weed... Lots of drama. October I moved back up to CO. November I met the guy that was different from all the others.. he cared, was respectful, understanding just everything I had been wanting in a man. I didn't feel the need to move onto the next once we met. I just had the feeling of "he's the one". Not another one night stand. We've been together for almost 4 years now. We have a daughter together and a son on the way. He just makes everything better. He makes me genuinely happy and I don't have to hide anymore. I use to be so jumpy and anxious around men. I use to think the only way to get a males attention was to take my clothes off and just let him do his thing . I use to think I was just good enough to be used for sex and I had no worth. That I'd never be loved. He changed everything. He helped me get over the fear. He helped me grow and better myself and he puts up with my bipolar and trauma and lets me vent to him. I still feel like a burden though. I don't think that will ever change though. Due to my epilepsy working is difficult and I can't drive.. he has to drive me around and buy everything and provide for our family... I've always felt like I slow people down.