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My messed up life

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So... I'll try cut this shorter.

Been married since 2018,together since 2014.

He started up change before we got married, being weird etc, I think drugs may have been involved although he denies it (people seen him do them).

Over time from marriage onwards he became more distant, not wanting to spent time with me (still had intimate life tho most of the time)

Even on our honeymoon he spent most of the night outside smoking and on his phone. Kept mentally messin about with me and pushing me away more an more,

He moved out to give us space in Oct for a month, returned but his behaviour still crap.

I moved out in March this year before lockdown, being shuved on a friend as parents were isolating.


This friend I have known for 15 years, we grew closer as I had to spend lots of time with him.

He has problems an suffers with depression but that doesn't necessarily bother me as I do too.

Whilst staying with the friend due to corona I was off work so getting next to no pay, my mum also deteriorated and passed away without us being able to say goodbye.

All this now passing and my husband has decided he wants me to move back an try again.

I did try work at our marriage before on several occasions but he just didn't work with me. Now I'm trying to stop myself from crawling into a mental black hole an he's doin this! I really canot deal with any more stuff!! I'm just at the breaking point 💔😔

I do not know what to do anymore I really don't