trigger warning as this includes mentions of self harm and intrusive thoughts
i haven't self harmed in about 1-2 months (at this point i stopped counting) which im super proud of but these days, my mom is making me want to end that streak. she's constantly been triggering my intrusive thoughts of repeatedly slashing my arm or banging my head against the wall until my skull cracks up. i don't want to act on it because the last time i self harmed again, it took me some time before i realized i should stop. i don't know where else to slice myself because i can't just keep going over my previous scars. my mom has been doing things that have been almost ruining the family, especially the one time during my dad's birthday when she was being immature and my dad ended up throwing a fit ON HIS BIRTHDAY. i don't understand what goes through her head that suddenly makes her want to be the worst person ever. one day she's cooking me breakfast and the next she's badmouthing me for the smallest things.