I had been a student with straight A's when I was around 1st-4th grade and that was the period it had started, I guess.
As a kid, I was afraid of even getting B's and even that kind of result can anger her severely. She would scream, punch me just to get me only A's.
As I got older, I had started to slip away from the attitude as the studies didn't bring me any motivation or joy anymore.
The punishment has gotten worse. One time I just got so fed up that I didn't even react to the belt she used on me and she threatened to kick me out of the house when I was just 15.
I once told the school psychologist and she said I need help and told my mom that she should stop. After my mom found out what I did, she said that psychologist is doing all for school's reputation and student who attempted suicide (I told psychologist I had thoughts) doesn't look good for record so psychologist doesn't care about me. I gained trust issues.
I know that grades are not the most important trait of my personalities and shouldn't be in the first place but I'm feeling like my mom affected me a lot. I compare myself to the others, I don't feel so confident. There are times I cry a lot just from the mention of my angry mom or punish myself as well like refusing to eat for days when I make a mistake. I tried choking myself several times.