And yet again another night that i lay here with a heavy heart. I’m suffocating on my own emotions and yet nobody seems to notice. I don’t want to go to school and getting out of bed in the morning is becoming increasingly difficult. I don’t want to be here. Teachers are blind and my family is complicated to say the least. My friends are amazing but when my heart is breaking into pieces it’s hard to tell the few people i love that i’m relapsing. I self harmed for the first time in a few months and my depression is rotting my insides, corrupting my thoughts. I’ve felt hopeless before but this, this is worse. I thought i was getting better, I really did, I’ve tried so hard to be happy but despite my best efforts it’s not good enough. I’m spiralling. I want to ask for help but I could never inflict the burden of my thoughts onto another person. I will continue to swim to the surface for a gasp of air hoping I get there in time. However I have sunk deeper then last time and my arms are growing tired. Swimming so far seems almost impossible and the thought of giving in and drowning is oddly comforting.