my mother.

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growing up, my mom was great. she spoiled me honestly. she was so sweet and kind. of course, she would punish me when i misbehaved. taking my stuff away, not being aloud outside, make me sit in a corner for whatever amount of time she deemed reasonable. but when I turned 12, she started to change. her and her boyfriend, derek, a guy that she dated since i was two got into a LOT more fights. i don't mean just agruing though, i mean full on screaming matches, so loud that I couldn't sleep. they would toss and break shit. sometimes when he was drunk or when she got high they would hit each other. of course they had the occasional agrument, but this was something completely different. they both were so different from what i remembered. when I turned 13, things got even worse. my would go out to the bar and party and drink and shit almost every weekend. I didn't care, she could do whatever she wanted as long as she didn't hurt anyone, but her boyfriend didn't really like it. they got into even more agruments. they decided to go on a break, they weren't broken up, but they weren't exactly dating at that time either. during their break, my mom slept with a guy. and she lied about it to derek. they got back to normal after about a month, and things were somewhat okay. a few months later, derek hears from one of my mom's friends that she cheated on him during their. derek was heart broken. they broke up. the man who raised me for about 11 or 12 years out of my life got his heart broken by mom. when they broke up, my mom was hurt too, i could see it, but she pretended that she was completely fine. eventually some of her friends got her hooked onto drugs. she completely changed as a person. for the first few months of her doing these drugs, I thought she was just acting differently due to stress, or her break up with derek. she started to spend less time with me. whenever we tried to talk to talk with one another she would start screaming or crying and call me names. she never acted this way, at least not towards me. i was shocked at first, then mad as fuck. i would ask her about her day, and she'd be in a bad mood, and if i said anything she would just snap. she would break shit, yell at me, yell at any of the other many people that moved in and out of my house for the past couple of years. at first, I tried to act like the stuff that she called me and told me didn't hurt. it hurt a lot, I just pretended that it didn't, and I would hide upstairs and not leave my room for a long period of time. eventually i couldn't take it. i was already depressed, I hated being yelled at, and I had anxiety. the way that she treated me made my mental state so much worse. i couldn't concentrate on school. i didn't do so much of my online homework because i was so depressed and I got to the point where I would just lay in bed all day and cry. i got to my breaking point. about 7 months ago, I tried to sneak out and move all of my stuff in to my grandma's house and live with her for awhile. sadly, on the second trip to get my stuff, we ran into my mom. i told her that i wanted to move out and she lost it. she started crying. she told me that im the only reason why she's still alive. she told me that if I moved out that she would kill herself. i started to cry. i was overwhelmed. i didn't know what to do or say. i stayed. i fucking stayed. it was torture. i have never wanted to kill myself more than when I was living with that terrible person I call a mother. my mental just got worse and worse. i didn't know what to do. one day, back in august of this year, a neighbor pulled a gun on a guy who was chasing his girlfriend and kicking her ass outside. his girlfriend was living in my house at the time. my aunt kristina was at the park that was literally right across from my house. she came over and got me out of there so that shit didn't go down while I was there. i stayed with my grandma for about two weeks. we got my stuff and moved all of it over there. my grandma didn't want me to stay there anymore because she said it wasn't safe for me there anymore. i was so fucking happy. from about mid or late august to now, i've been living with my grandma. my mental health has improved so much. i avoid my mom as much as possible. i refuse to let her close to me, not until she's off of the drugs and becomes a better person. anyways hi, my name is Lilli Price. im just a dumb gay 16 year old that wanted to share her experience with a few people. if you have read all of this, then thank you haha, cause this is really fucking long. i know there's some people that will read this and not believe it, but all of it is true. again thank you for your time. if any of you want to talk about your own experiences with abuse, or talk about anything, my instagram is mehmybleh. thanks again guys I love all of you, stay safe 🧡