I don't know when it started but I came to know that this is not normal anymore.....
it kinda developed into this weird obsession or maybe a mental illness where I'm forced to suffer insomnia till certain conditions/rules aren't followed.
Like my room's door should be locked & curtains and windows be closed & mirrors should be out of sight at night & also must have any type of light ON throughout the night every.
If my room's door is still unlocked or my curtain is even slightly open...or even little peek into mirror at night would cause insomnia and nightmares & thoughts of not having even dim light made me lose my mind...in sort a hellish insomnia...
By mistake if I miss out on a single thing out of all this.... The this never ending nightmare starts as each second there'll be lot's of horrific (bloody to ghostly) faces will start to pass by my eyes whether they are open or closed and my brain would feast on them...& finally I would pass out when my brain can't handle it anymore.
everyday is the same old routine of bloody horror 'nd avoid things at night and....just struggling alone with some unconventional rules....so that I can fall asleep.
It's driving me crazy yet I'm to help myself 'cause i afraid that people won't understand my troubles and would just criticise me or ignore me like those few Whom I reached out for help before..
Again I'm trying to fall asleep.....yet this night seems endless and this sleep of mine is wandering somewhere else.
I'm still wondering if I should really reach out for help or just wait for the day when this nightmares drives me crazy'.