From original author
18 years.... and without notice, as part of a happy celebration, smiles and dancing all round..... she whispered those three words. At first it seemed obvious, happy celebration, love in the air, everyone loves eachother, everyone tells eachother they love eachother right?
But then she said it again, deeper, more meaningful.... i... love... you. You hear the line being told in movies - “having the wind blown out of you” “getting hit by a train” “the ground disappearing from under your feet”. All the above, a true mix of emotions piercing through the heart and soul.
The next month would be a rollercoaster of emotions, each trying to make better sense of them, each understanding and being logical that these emotions can never take hold, each focusing trying to support eachother in our relationships. But the energy in the air when we were around eachother was explosive, scary... true!
And just as quickly as it came, it went away. Like the wind being blown out of me again. This time heartbreaking and soul crushing. She said the what I had always feared and deep down never wanted to hear.... I love you as a friend, I’ve been going through something, I don’t want to continue having these types of conversations and thoughts and feelings.
I smiled, with all the courage and love I have for her, I smiled.... and said I “understood” promising to not bring it up again. A promise which I could not keep.
I smiled, but not too deep down, I was crushed and left bleeding.