My partner won’t discuss something with me, I think about it all the time.

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My partner and I have been dating for nearly a year and a half, which isn’t that long, but we’ve been very open sexually and emotionally. We’ve discussed nearly all my kinks and nearly all his. I explained how many of mine, including stuff related to being submissive, are related to trauma and a few minor sexual assault incidents, as I am AFAB and queer, so it happened a few times in high school. However he has one kink he won’t discuss with me, and he says that he won’t talk about it ever because it comes from a place of being powerless. I understand him wanting to never bring it up, but I can’t stop thinking about it, he’s kept secrets from me before that while, were his to keep, still deeply upset me when I learned about them, mostly related to his own mental health conditions, lying about not having suicidal thoughts or not cutting. Hell it might even be one that I have that just hasn’t come up since we’ve both experienced similar powerless situations in our past. I know that kinks and acting upon them can sometimes help, and I want to help. The selfish part of me just wants to know because I would admit to mine in a heart beat if he asked. I also have trust issues and it just overall has me all on edge and I have trouble being intimate with him because of this, because I get anxious when I think if kinks because I don’t know what his mystery kink is. We’ve both admitted to being monster lovers and all sorts of other strange stuff, and he’s reassured me that it’s nothing illegal or deviant, but I just can’t stop worrying about it. I know he think he’s trying to protect me, because he always tries to take care of me and I’m really sick of it and it makes me feel horribly guilty. I know there’s nothing I can do at the moment to figure out the kink or negotiate it because he’s currently not in a good spot, but I don’t know how to deal with this, especially since he doesn’t like me hiding anything from him.

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