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my problems

i want to die. i hate myself, but my parents hate me more. i get such shitty grades. they are also homophobic and i am still closeted. no one understands me because i have trichotillomania(i pull out my hair uncontrollably). it sucks, and im only 14 but i have to do my make up multiple times a day to cover it. Makeup is mandatory. people judge me about it on a daily basis. My only friend moved far away from me a few months ago and she never answers my texts anymore. I haven't seen her since March 13. It is august 13 today. She was the only person who i could tell anything and she didn't judge me. Now i'm at a totally new school(because i started high school) and i have literally no friends. to make matters worse, my mom is forcing me to do online school because she is scared of corona, when everyone else in the school is going to school and learning. i am stuck at home with my family who i hate. A girl that i like goes there but she probably doesn't even know my name. the other boy that i liked only used me for sexual things and nudes. he doesn't care about me, yet i am still seeing him because i am so desperate for love and attention. my dad doesnt know anything about me yet her lives in the same house as me. i have a therapist, but i can't even trust her because if I told her that i cut my boobs she will send me to a psych ward. yes, i cut my boobs and no one knows about it except that one boy, but obviously he doesn't care about my mental health. i know that one day i will reach my limit and end up taking my own life. i've thought of all the ways i could do it. pills are by far the most painless way in my opinion. I have accepted the fact that i am going to die by suicide before i reach the age of 18. It's okay, i'm okay with it now. I miss my friend so much and she probably doesn't care about me anymore. we had been best friends since 2nd grade ughhh. She also struggles with mental illnesses and making friends, and i worry about her being lonely at her new school as well. i want her to be happy. anyways, i'm fine and its okay please whoever is reading this i hope you are doing good and please take care of yourself, i love you and don't worry about me, i will be alright<3

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Re: my problems

Suicide isn't worth it. I know that sounds stupid but soon you'll be able to just leave your parents

When you're an adult you can do whatever you want. Everything you've wanted to do can be done in a few years.

If you need to talk to somebody I can make an account somewhere or give you my usernames on places I already have accounts for

I have a serious fear of death that causes me to have panic attacks every day, and i use to be suicidal, so I've been on both ends

hey:) thank you, i really appreciate that. if u want to dm me on insta or something then my username is ava.harp8

i hope that u see this reply tho. because it made me happy and that surprised me because nothing ever makes me happy anymore.