i was 8 years old when it happened, he was 16. he was the son of my dads assistant and him, his brother, my brother and me we’re together every weekend at my dads office. i looked forward to seeing him and spending time with him i thought he was my best friend. i trusted him. one day we had their family over for the day me and him went to my bedroom and both our brothers went to my brothers bedroom. we sat on the floor of my bedroom and talked trying to decide what to do when he says ‘we can show each other our private parts’ i said no but he kept saying it but more and more forcibly each time. i ended up standing up and walking to the bathroom (it’s in my bedroom so it didn’t have a lock) i close the door and i was just stood there trying to figure out what to do when i heard my bedroom door lock. next thing i know he was in the bathroom with me his belt was undone and he pushed me down onto the chair in my bathroom and started trying to pull my skirt down. i was holding for dear life, when he realised he couldn’t pull it down he started trying to pull it up. he couldn’t get it off so instead he grabbed me in other places. he touched me in places i don’t wanna be touched when he was, i was crying and telling him to stop i tried to scream but he covered my mouth and told me to shut up. he undid his belt and pulled down his pants. that’s when i knew i couldn’t stand anymore of it i started kicking and punching him i managed to get to the door when he grabbed my hand trying to pull me back in. thankfully my brothers door was open and they heard me so i went and sat with him. when i was in there i was trying to come up with excuses for why my ‘bestfriend’ would do that to me and in the end i just decided to try ignore it. it’s been 5 years i’ve never told anyone and i don’t know where to go or what to do i’ve tried to kill myself 2 times both times i’ve ended up in hospital sick my mum is so worried about me i’ve not told my friends about how much i’ve been struggling because i don’t know how they will react i don’t know if they will even care. i keep pictures of him online it breaks me every time i see him to think about how broken i am and that he can be happy and not even care or have guilt for sexually assaulting an 8 year old girl. i’m not sure how much longer i can cope but i’m trying and i hope it gonna get better.