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My story

I was raped by my ex when I was 15. It happened 2 months after we broke up. We had a project and he asked me if I could help him. I'll be honest, I still have feelings for him that time but I was really okay with the fact that we've broke up and I'm was okay if we just stayed as friends. He was my best friend before we were in a relationship so yeah, our friendship was more important to me that is why I'm okay with us being friends. We were in his room, it wasn't awkward for me because his family and I were close and we'd always hang and do schoolworks in his room. While I was helping him, he attempted to kiss me. That threw me off because I know that time he was with a girl, which is the same girl he cheated on me hahaha. Then he tried again. Then in a blink of an eye, he was on top of me. I couldn't get him off of me. He was so strong and big. Then he started kissing me. Touching me. I can still feel his hands going down my body. He forcibly removed my bottoms. I fought back, I swear. I was pulling my shorts and underwear up while he was forcibly trying to pull it down yet I still don't have a chance 'cuz I wasn't as strong as he is and because of that I only manage to keep my underwear on. But he was smart, he knew how weak I am, he knew I couldn't get him off me. So he started fingering me then he started fucking me. As he was doing it, he whispered, "as if you didn't miss doing this". I don't. Believe me I don't. I was crying and begging him to stop but he just kept going. I wanted to scream but I couldn't. I don't want his grandma and uncles to see me like that because I was afraid of what they'll think of me and I was afraid that they'll have to tell my parents. I was also ashamed of them. I was scared. I was just 15 and I didn't want our families to know. I didn't want our classmates to know. I got scared because I didn't people to think that I was a whore. I didn't want people to judge me. That time a part of me thought that it was my fault because if I wasn't so kind to him, if I didn't helped him, if I didn't go to his place in the first place then none of it will happen. Luckily, his little uncle (I think he was only 10 that time) knocked on his door. So my ex finally got off of me. His uncle went inside to get something so that gave me time to find my shorts. My ex gave it back to me and I immediately put it on so I could finally stay away from him and go home. When I got up his bed he embraced me and said, "I'm sorry, thank you" then after that I grab my things and left. We were classmates and I had to pretend like nothing happened even though he kept telling his friends that we had sex.

Today, I'm already 18 years old, 3 years had passed but that experience still haunts me. Our parents still has no clue what happened. Only my best friends knew. Sometimes I even find myself crying about it. I still kinda blamed myself for not being strong enough to tell people. I hated myself for being a wimp. Whoever is reading this, please don't be like me. Don't be a coward, go tell your friends specially your parents. Please. Also please be strong. You are beautiful and God knows we don't deserve this. And to my ex, FUCK YOU BIG TIME. I hope one day you'll get what you deserve, you fucking rapist. :)


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Stay strong and keep your head up. I know it can be hard to deal with a situation like this and you are really strong for sharing your story with people I admire you for that, my sister was raped when she was 15 I was 10 at the time I didn’t know what was going on until 4 years later she told me after going to college. She didn’t want to speak out to anyone because it would ruin her reputation and everything she has. But even still after 5 years she’s fighting this case, not because of her but because of others. You see only 20% of rapes are reported in the U.S and you are not alone and you can talk to me if you ever need too. But it’s never too late to do the right thing, remember that. I hope you found a good coping mechanism and life goes well for you. It’s never too late. No one will tell you what you should do and if they do don’t listen to them but, reporting this crime would take a lot of courage and honestly could save some people from this “man” or whatever he or it is. If you need to talk to anyone please don’t hesitate. We’re here for you :)