3 days ago i held razer in my hand next to my wrist and cried for 10 minutes thinking about all of the things that i did wrong and why i im a fuck up and that the rest of the sperm should have made it to the egg before i did. what am i here for, why do i exist, is god real can he save me from killing my self, i used to be scared to die, now i just wonder should i kill my self and be burden to my mother and sisters or should i stay alive and never tell anyone my issues or thoughts and seem happy. I miss being happy, staying up playing black ops one and two with friends in zombies with mod menus, i miss not being able to worry about what people thought of me every fucking day i went to school, i miss coming home to school watching adventure time and watching naruto shipuden with my sisters while my mother cooks in the kitchen in our small apartment, i fucking hate my life now, i hate the games that i play, the people that i play them with and my self i just want everything to go back to the way it was, i just happiness, i just want peace in my mind all i do is remind my self on how fucked i am and how i will never be anything. everybody says someone goes through what you are going through and that if they got over it you can, how the hell am i supposed to do that. i dont know how to reach out for help because every time i get this low i go searching in the web just to find articles telling me to call the hotline or chatline, how the fuck do i do that if i dont even have enough self esteem to think of my self as something that matters. i fell like i truly do need to talk to someone about this but who would care to talk to me, family most likely but dont want to go to where they sent my sister when she told my mom that she had been cutting her self. im scared of what i could do to my self because i know soon i might go through with it.
4 months ago
Re: My Thoughts
You have a mental illness caused by your brain making chemicals wrong. So do millions of us. You need a therapist & meds.
Then you need happiness. Watch comedies. Listen to fun music like from the 60’s & disco. Sing. Dance. Stare at Christmas lights or a lava lamp as you goto sleep. Hug a pillow as you goto sleep. All these things help.
Love you. ❤️
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz