You know what. Fuck my ex. I don’t even know why I bothered trying to be at least friends afterwards. It was non-stop bullshit for almost 4 years. I can’t even say everything ‘cause that’d be too damn exaughsting. I should have stayed gone after the first shit he pulled. He once told me I could come over whenever I wanted to, so I took him up on his offer one night after work. I was let in by his roommate only to go into his room and see a bitch straddling his lap on his bed in the dark with their heads together. I went crazy and tried to fight him because I never dealt with that before and I was blacked out pissed. He knows the difference between right and wrong and what my boundaries are. Of course he told everyone it just looked wrong he was in there with one of his “old” fuck buddies. They didn’t know I found out that from someone that they went to the movies together and kissed in the car before heading back home and that she sent a kiss saying she wanted more and him asking her “is that a bad thing?”. But everyone defended him saying “that’s just how he says goodbye”. So after that it was none stop him telling me about how his friends were all talking shit and his family and him doing absolutely nothing because he “didn’t want trouble”. Then it was non stop talking about his best friend and how his family wanted him to marry her because they liked her even though she didnt want him. It was non stop about his friends liking her and how one was going to “plan their wedding”. Then suddenly I’m accused of not liking her because I asked him to stop talking about her so much. Then he tells me she’ll kick my ass for him because he made a nasty face at my text about me wanting to talk to whatever about him. Then accusing me of starting shit when he’s hanging out with her, but I didn’t even know she was back in the states. He didn’t defend me then either. One time I took him on a vacation to the beach and to ride Seadoos. At the motel she calls and he answers and they talk on the phone until the sun sets. I should have asked him to get off, but when I tried to make a joke one time while he was on the phone with her he mouthed “shut up”. On the phone he made fun of the motel we were in because it was cheap. I spent $300 today for you I couldn’t exactly afford the nicest place to sleep for one night. Of course afterwards he said he appreciated it. He didn’t say anything the one time we had a double date and while he went to grab food his other female friend who he of course also had sex with was talking about how a friend of hers wanted to to film a porno and she told me that “I knew if I called Justin he’d come asap”. He just shrugs everything off. I could of said something, but if I did he would be the one to defend them and make me feel I’m in the wrong ‘cause he’s done that too. I honestly was feeling really down and out about stuff going on in the relationship, so I decided to check his Facebook messages only to find out he was sexting another one of his female friends. Then as punishment to me for snooping he went and sexted the girl from the double date. You’re the one who got caught it’s not like I’m sitting here accusing you of something you’re not? The suspicions started with you bragging about your family liking another girl and kissing “goodbye” to another anyway! During one of his angry rants he said he was going to put a ring on her finger. He even “as a joke” asked her to marry him then later asked again through a letter just to see what she said. Yet over and over would claim he didn’t see himself ever getting married. He sure as hell knew he wasn’t going to marry me because he said “I don’t want to get disowned by my family”. I shouldn’t have believed what he said considering he’s telling me these things it’s not me just finding out. Should have taken it clear as day that I’m not the one she is. I had a moment of weakness and was thinking about talking to someone else, but I couldn’t pull through with it. When we lived together (for only like 6 months) I’d be punished in a different way everytime I got upset about something he did. He’d take Netflix away from me because “why should you use my stuff if you’re mad at me”. I get that to a point, yet now I’m more upset because I don’t have my distraction from being already upset. Still another stupid decision. Why would I live with him? Considering he was going to make me wait five or since years before living together because he made a promise to that girl he’d be her roommate first. What? I broke up with him for about three months after that and I think that was the second time he got angry drunk. Three times he has gotten angry drunk. Both times I was to blame by his friends and family. He’s sitting here screaming about his unfortunately dead dog and grandmother, but when his friend came around suddenly he was screaming at me. The second time He was stabbing his dresser. He was telling me to take the knife before I got stabbed. His sister shows up and asked me what I did wrong. We weren’t even in a fight, but now I can only think it’s cause I broke up with him two weeks before. Still I tried to at least be friends ‘cause even though I’m now constantly bitter I didn’t want to be the bitter ex. That night he said he was going to kill himself drinking and I didn’t want him to do anything stupid so I took it upon myself to head over there to stop him. Dumb decision yes I shoulda let him do his thing. Anyway after his at the time roommate/friend mentioned and his sister showed up I decided I was gonna head home. She followed me outside asked what I did (I can see why cause he’s yelling at me NOW). I don’t remember what I said, but I tried to explain. Suddenly he’s coming out into the street screaming and threatening me and her and his friend have to hold him back while I actually run away. I officially broke up with him back in April because he decided he was going to keep a secret that he created an OnlyFans. All because I made a joke on making money, so he slipped. I was upset because he wasn’t going to tell me because “What’s the harm if you don’t find out”. Maybe I’d help you take the pictures if that’s really the only way you can money and people actually buy it. But to really say “what’s the harm if you don’t find out”. All that does is make me wonder what else you’re hiding ‘cause that seemed to be the same mentality showing back up from when you were sexting other girls. I tried making friends once with his cousin. I thought why not ‘cause he’s inviting me to hang out with them. But once I tried to be the one to initiate conversation he told me to block them. I asked why and he said “Well if we break up then why should you talk to my friends or family that’s weird”. So I wasn’t allowed to talk to them anymore even though I was still invited to hang out. We got into a fight about it and he stopped inviting me. We have been broken up for about six months now after we got back together because he was drinking himself to death. Which I should have just stayed away both times. Now he’s all fine and dandy if I talk to one of his friends. I brought up “it’s really weird that you said I couldn’t talk to your cousin or friends, but you are suddenly ok now”. Only to be met with “why are you bringing this up”. Somehow it’ll be turned back onto me. I guess the point of this post is one red flag should be enough and you leave. I don’t know why I stuck around for so long, but now I’m bitter. I don’t trust anyone. Just don’t do it. Don’t think you can change anyone. No matter how many people I try to talk to it about it I’m never at peace. Those are the main key things I can even remember at the moment. It was just one thing after another for four years.