Tw: self injury, abuse, and mention of suicide.
(I don't know if this is all the trigger warnings but I hope)
Hello. I have had a few issues with my mom recently. I apparently have a problem with "my mouth" when it seems that I happen to be a little disrespectful. However, I've pretty much always been this way and it's always been a problem but nobody (not even the therapist) has told me what exactly seems disrespectful. I have a hard time understanding cues and what not so I truly have no idea. I've been trying to fix it for a year. Tonight my mother pissed me off to no end (some stuff that would literally take days to explain) but basically her mentality is that since I still live with her that she gets to use my things and she deserves more respect. This was real sudden and I honestly didn't know what to do so my first reaction was to take everything to heart. I have had some issues with self injury for a while now and she has no clue. I am a lonely kid because my other 2 siblings committed suicide. Back to the main issue. Mom suddenly has been acting real weird and I have no idea why. I have no way to talk to her without her calling me names or threatening me. I'm tired and although I'm 18 I feel incredibly alone. I dropped out of school to help her so now I'm stuck with her 24/7/365. Because of this, she spends every waking moment telling me what I've done wrong. She is now babysitting our neighbors kids roughly 140 hours a week and she gives them tons of positive attention. I'm jealous and when I communicate to mom the issue she blows up and says that I don't get a say because I merely live in the apartment. Sometimes I wonder if this is why my siblings left. No. I KNOW this is why I was abandoned. Sometimes I just wonder if I should show her my scars and tell her why but I don't want to go to a hospital if I can avoid it. I don't want her not trusting me anymore. If she even ever trusted me to begin with. I just don't think I can handle this anymore considering the fact that going to a hospital doesn't seem like such a bad thing anymore. I dunno I just found this website off a google search and I thought that maybe getting this out here rather than my journal may be of benefit to me.