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Need The Windows of my Soul cleanaed

I was molested as a girl by girls I thus struggle from time to time with thoughts of lesbian only when my current boyfriend fiance hurts me..so I watch lesbian poem and she male porn .I am supposed to be a Christian yet when angry I struggle with this sin I won't do it for real but feel comfortable watching pornography cause no body fluids exchanged. I need this generational curse broken of me and my family. But I forgive those who hurt me.. They caused me to fall again and again but no they dont i chose to watch it myself even when the internet wouldn't allow me..

I am ashamed and hurt. God please forgive me abdblet me find pure straight love from a man not a woman.

I feel guilty of it.. I Need help ...cause I am a trifling blasphemous fake Christian.