night again

again its night and i cant shut up my thoughts.

even if my day was good at night i dont want to exist anymore.

everything feels too much to handle.

there is so much stress and so much to do, and when i decide to take some day off for my mental health parents just say i dont do any shit and lazy all day.

right now i want to disappear, i want to just stop existing.

i am so tired of being everyone’s first choice, tired of waiting someone to care about me the same way i do, tired of people who are busy for me, tired to be there for anyone who needs me, tired of keeping this emotions inside.

i am 18 soon i have been heartbroken several times, boys treated me so bad i thought i would never find the one and just stopped liking and chasing anyone.

i am so tired of EVERYTHING that i dont feel anything at all. i just dont care anymore.

i wanna go ? go i am not holding you, busy right now? ok i wont ask again.

everything seems the same, same day, same meal, same words.

will this ever stop? will i feel like i am living?

i try i try really hard, i am studying really hard to be able to achieve my dreams so at least i will know something will be the way i want.

but nothing keeps me going, no one.

Replied Articles

2 months ago

Re: night again

Just shag 10 times in a day. You will achieve enlightenment and everything in between. Also stop cold turkey for 10 days to help you reset. Principle of homoeostasis should balance you out once you go to both extreme's.

Else simple answer: Find a few thing, make that your goal. Reconnect with what brings you joy. In the course of pursuing it, you will come across the valley of disenchantment. It will suck. Embrace the suck. Function in it. The struggle is where greatness comes from. Do a little bit more than you did yesterday (DO NOT OVERDO THINGS; IDEA IS TO KEEP YOURSELF FRESH THE NEXT DAY).

In some time (or no time if things align for you) - you will find yourself on the other side. As Ray dalio says, it generally takes 18 months to build new habits. So yeah, embrace the suck. It's a skill worth learning for the next 18 months which will benefit you for the next 80 years.