again its night and i cant shut up my thoughts.even if my day was good at night i dont want to exist anymore.everything feels too much to handle.there is so much stress and so much to do, and when i decide to take some day off for my mental health parents just say i dont do any shit and lazy all day.right now i want to disappear, i want to just stop existing.i am so tired of being everyone’s first choice, tired of waiting someone to care about me the same way i do, tired of people who are busy for me, tired to be there for anyone who needs me, tired of keeping this emotions inside.i am 18 soon i have been heartbroken several times, boys treated me so bad i thought i would never find the one and just stopped liking and chasing anyone.i am so tired of EVERYTHING that i dont feel anything at all. i just dont care anymore.i wanna go ? go i am not holding you, busy right now? ok i wont ask again.everything seems the same, same day, same meal, same words.will this ever stop? will i feel like i am living?i try i try really hard, i am studying really hard to be able to achieve my dreams so at least i will know something will be the way i want.but nothing keeps me going, no one.