How do show you the pills poured out? Staring at me, begging me to consume my life? Since Mom died, there's no one. No one to care. No one to live for. No one to love me. Everything is now conditional. I'm no longer allowed to be me. I'm too aggressive, too passionate, too driven with expectations too high for everyone.
I have been alone since Mom died. I have a brother and SIL who's love is completely conditional, a sister with whom I will never reconnect, an Aunt to whom I am no longer important, and a Dad who tries, but, to be honest, will be ok without me.
I hate to do this to my pets, whom I love beyond measure, but they deserve a home with a parent who doesn't do this. Who doesn't put their life in the balances of her own.
I've done this before. Taken the drugs. Felt my life slip away. But was unsuccessful. Maybe this time I will succeed?