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for starters , I have my 16 th birthday on 13th. And it was a whole lot of freaking exciting business..................................until yesterday. or maybe it was never a freaking anything business, and just me fantasizing about it being one.

so everything had been decided. by me. ( I do get to decide , right? I am not sure) . I had called up my maternal grandparents( aka the most amazing people out there whom I can think of enjoying my birthday with rather than just letting it go), and they had agreed to drop by. cake flavors decided. dresses done. food menu planned. decorations decided. me actually momentarily happy (rare scene). until yesterday.................

yesterday my parents had a big fight , a verbal one . I'll spare you the details but let it be said that both my parents are egoistic , supposed heroes( in their eyes), neck high drowned into self-love, utterly non understanding, with unbearingly loud voices when arguing.

Ok fine, fights happen everywhere, maybe even louder and with much more violence. but really , what is my fault?. all of sudden, my mom has decided that my grandparents are not going to come over a place where a man like my dad exists. hey mom, I also exist here , if you haven't noticed . and they were coming to my birthday not your fighthouse. you get to decide for them, and they have no issues( not that they have been told about the turn of events) , but whatever. I do have issues over you deciding for my birthday.

I saved all my money, for this day, so that I don't have to disturb you to care, so that I will be saved from forcing down a weird flavor of cake, so that I can have that moment of happiness.

but my mom seems to have taken away all of my little moment , and of my little day, with a burn of a fucking sentence. I howl, why???????

please let me know, do I get to suffer? do I really not get to decide ? am I that insignificant?????

also , when i ask her of my fault, all I get to hear is how I should grow up.(obviously shouting, nothing happens here in normal decibels) I mean I can't even. she destroys my growing up day and lectures me on growing up all the same.....

I am crying, what should i do????