My life has been complicated from the start. I lost my mom to cancer when I was five & my sister was taken three days after. Shortly after we moved to Georgia where my dad met my step-mom-the same year.- The one person connecting us to everything that we were familiar with was my aunt & she abandoned us. Now, I shouldn't be upset. It's ten years later & I love my family, but there's always a part of me that wants to just curl up in a ball and hide. When I was 13 I was in a relationship with this guy & long story short he hurt me. He would do it for no reason and almost always had a smile on his face when doing so. He told me he was "just playing" and would proceed to mock my fear. I'm a sophomore in high school now-almost a junior- and I'm still fucked up. Because just when things were finally looking up, I got my friends back & was more myself, I saw him at school. He would try to get closer until he stopped. My family seemed to think I should be over it & even made jokes about what happened. I guess I can't blame them, nobody could expect them to understand that feeling, but I'm not over it. I almost took my own life that year and that fact is something I'm never going to be able to get rid of. I met another guy & he made me feel special. He helped with the anxiety & for awhile I was really happy. Then he started threatening to hurt himself if I ever did something to upset him. When we broke up at the end of 1st semester it sucked for awhile, but it was mutual so there was no drama or anything like that, but second semester came around and both of them were in my class. The 1st guy-we'll call him Jake- was always around. People were coming to me telling me he was hurting other girls & that I had to do something about it, but the counselor always said he didn't have enough proof. At the end of the year, my family moved again. I'm doing fairly good now. I have good friends, my family is as abnormal as always & I should be happy, but sometimes it's just so hard to make myself move on. Earlier this year I lost both of my grandparents & my uncle, but if I cry about it I'm called dramatic. There's a lot going on with my sister-also my best friend- and I feel like everyone is pushing and pulling me in opposite directions & it is honestly overwhelming. There are some nights I can't control it. If anyone's around me I do or say whatever I can to make them leave & I just break. I need help, I need to talk to someone, but nobody ever wants to listen. They all want me to be whatever THEY want, but they don't see or care about what I need. I haven't felt like this in awhile and it's terrifying.