I had a long history of getting faked on, getting picked on, and being betrayed. I got used to it, a bit too used to it. to the point I allowed them to keep doing what they did. I didn't have the heart to say anything against it. I have abusive parents so I had just blamed everything on me. I should've been a better friend figure. I Should've been a bit smarter. I should've apologized sooner. I shouldn't have sat there. Everything, Every little thing, I turned it towards me. I let people lean on me, let me crumble down from carrying their problems, but my own burdens as well. I didn't depend on anyone, I shut my heart away. But then I moved to another school, I met my bestest friend there. We were attached to the hip and bone. I felt open with her and she was open to me. We trusted each other with our lives. It was amazing. Two years went by and now I realize, I had never shared my burdens with her. She depended on me. So I pushed my woes away to help her with anything. I helped her through a lot of deep stuff. She soon confronted me that I should share my problems, That I should solve my own problems because I can't fix a broken person if I'm broken too. and that's just what I did. I took time off and focused more on my self more and more each day. But she mistook it as me not caring anymore when I did. More than anything in my life. I love her a lot. She's like a little sister to me. I never want to lose her, even if we don't go to the same school anymore. And I don't know how to be the person she wants me to be, I don't know what to do anymore. and it hurts so much that even my other close friend said she agreed with my bestest friend about me acting "fake". It was a huge trigger and no matter how hard I tried to smile through it, I couldn't help but hide in the dark and cry in a panic attack. Nobody understood how I felt. Nobody tried to understand how I felt. I put in the effort on so many people. When do others put the same dedication returned to me?