Im 23 & i have a bf of 26yrs old..v r in relation since the past 8-9 yrs.Our relation started when i was in 9th grade & started indulging in physical relationships from then. Later i left 4 higher studies. He had this feeling that long distance relations wont work & started being possessive on me. He started hating me exchanging contact numbers with seniors or guy frnz. Somewhere i started getting irritated. However i never wanted 2 lose him which was y i kept limiting the guy friends i had in the new place. But i knew that was not the real me. I was someone who loved 2 talk 2 new people. But since my guy dinot like that i tried not 2 have such frienships. Later once my father came 2 know about our relation & he stopped talking 2 me 4 months. Later as v started talkin i promised him that i would not continue the relation. I was actually convinced by my father. My father actually beleived that if we stopped our contacts, we would surely forget each other.I was at the same time kinda irritated with my guy & all the problems i faced from my family. Hence i thought i would stop everything 4 a good starting.But after about 6 months even when i was surrounded by many other friends who would talk 2 me, i somewhere missed my guy. Hence i tried contacting him back after 6 months or so. When i tried contacting him he said that he had promised some other girl. But i never believed this as he was not that kindf of a person who was interested in girls. Later we started a new good relation again. But again we had issues about the friends i contacted. The guy friends mainly & had big issues on this matter. He also mentioned that all our fights are mainly based on guy issues. I always felt bad hearing that i stopped all my frnships. There wer no much guy friends ..only 2 or 3 who wer my seniors or sm other guys from my college. But eventhough he never askt me to stop those contacts, i knew he dinot like it. Hence i was trying 2 live like he wanted me 2 b.After sm years i got into an office as an intern for 6 months. There the office mates had a trip & during the trip all of us sat on the bed together & wer talkin late night & started lying on the bed. There wer boys & girls. There was a guy lying next to me. With whom i started talkin with properly when the trip started. After an hr of sleep all of us were awake but wer lazy to wake up from the bed as it was cold. & thennthe guy next to me askt me to cuddle, which i did thinkings thats nothing gr8. After that morning we both had a long bike ride together & i mentioned him about how guilty i felt of the cuddling part. So he told me that it was nothing gr8 or a mistake & that it was with my concern too. I felt soo bad of myself & felt guilty as i was kinda cheating my guy. This office mate also had a girl with whom he was on the verge of breakup.Later after this trip he started dropping me back home after the office. I made sure that i wasint doing anythin that made me guilty. But again while dropping .. those days he used to ask me my hands .. and used to kiss them. I felt somethin good & thought that nobody is watching me.But those days when my guy tried contacting me, my talks made him know that im not much interested in the talks. That was something which happent naturally. But he started having doubt in me. He already had doubt on whether something bad had happnet during the office trip. He askt me many times if something had happent. At last i couldint hold it but told him that i kinda had a small crush on a person during the trip. & then he started askin me more details & wanted 2 know what made me have a crush on this guy. Later on i had to tell him the whole incident.He was actually heart broken & picturized as if i had sex with this guy.. in the sense we touched each other & stuff since we wer cuddling together.This incident made him tell me his past. About the life he had during our 6 months of breakup. He said he had sex with some girl while we wer in relation before & once i left him. He never expected that i wud go back to him. & that he had physical relationships with 3 more other girls from his office and girls he met through social media. That moment i was soo damn heart broken & wanted to end everything .But somehow the issue got solved & we went back to a normal situation. We both went for a trip & i got pregnant. We suffered to abort it & in between my parents came to know that we wer staying together in a hotel & we still wer in relation. They cud not bear it.. Later we managed to abort the weeks old baby & i came back home. Thats when the lockdown started & both of us strted getting exhausted. During that time once i askt him 4 the pic of atleast 1 of the girls he had relation with . After so much of compulsion he showed me a girls pic .. at that time i was cool.. but later the next day i started checking on this girl & stalking her . Comparing our beauty etc .. i was eager 2 know about the other girls coz the girl whom he showed me was a far mutual friend of mine. So i was worried the other girls wud b some1 i know. And presently im actually haunted of this matter. Whenever i get a free time i start thinking of the girls & this had made me scared to c photos of girls in social media. Whoever i c i check on from wer they belong to etc .. i mostly get haunted of this thot.. i told him the matter but he do not know hw to help me out .. yes i know its his past .. bt presently im not able to overcome this bad thoughts. But to make myself feel valueless. My guy had got fed up with me always worrying bout this matter & have askt me to stop overthinking and 2 never think of his past & put that topic & together suffer thinking of our past. But i do not know what to do now. What should i do?😓