My husband doesn't know that I had hoped he was a monster. We ended up being together after a one night stand and Ive never told him I wanted to die that night. I used to out every night. To bars, clubs. I'd walk alone, cross highways.. just so someone could do the deed for me. I don't care what they did to me. I'm sure I deserved it. If anything It would just be so much better if someone point and shot for me. I'm too much of a coward, I don't even have enough good reasons to die. I'm too cold and tired all the time, and begging to die in my sleep hasn't been working out. I don't want to go out like a coward, but waiting for death is taking longer than I'd hoped.