2 months ago
Time Spent- 47m
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Not Needed Anymore

Lately I've been feeling increasingly unwanted and not needed. the way my closest friends interact with each other is different when they interact with me. I had told this feeling to them but....nothing changed, it as if they just said some words of reassurance and then forgot about it.

I'm still hooked on the thought of no matter how long you've known someone it doesn't assure that so called "best friend" or "special someone" thing. I felt like I'm the second or third choice in the group and apparently I am. I always trust my gut feeling when it comes to these stuff, it just...feel so strong that I can't ignore it no matter how hard I tried.

I just feel like...some of the people I know are just way better off without me anymore and I'm not saying this because I want attention and shit, it's just...these events keeps on repeating with my family, friends and relationships. I just want to silently go away and disappear and I know they will just move on like nothing ever happened. I'm just sick of this feeling.

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2 months ago

Re: Not Needed Anymore

Oh Yeah! I can ID with ya here. Although I personally never looked at it like I was "not needed" or "wanted" Well?... not true..LOL I mean I got ALOTTA yrs to look over so I guess at first, it WAS looked at the way your describing like in HS, I kinda felt that way.Even in my FAV subjuct "band"..LOL, I was never part of a 2-3 or more 'clique". Thru my 20s , I found I that I just dont fit in a group dynamic....AS... truly "One of the group'. My job 77-95, was to play music 6 nights a week HAVING to "get along" w/ 5-6-7 others, but seemed no matter how I asserted myself, or try to ingratiate with in, I found myself doing my own thing away from the group, or puttin 24/7 into a female love interest (alot more fun...weeel? most of the time anyway..LOL).yeah, then when I hit 35, it was like being 18 again with the internet being brand new, ONCE AGAIN, now off the road, a new raod to travel, (much like the 77 exp.) I found myself tryin to fit in the ALT. groups back when AOL (dail up..LOL) came to be...my post kinda got ignored even though I thought I posted some valuable info, made some firendly gesturing...THEN... Myspace came along...I posted music and got positive feedback but didnt seem to attract enough attn. to beome popular in a "21st" C way (online)... Then FB... FB used to GREAT , havin an Mp3 player and the seperate tabs for different media made the person page for a musician VERY user friendly..BUT... once again, I found when I would join groups there, it was like the clique's in HS... Now in 2020, where EVERYBODY is practically "alone together", Ive found that in this season of life (where everythings startin to ....HURT..LOL)..I must give off some kinda "vibe" that kinda speaks what Ive found is the hard truth, Ive never wanted to face since the 70s...I just BY GOD never wanted to BE a part of the group.. I look back at times when I could have BUT.... a change would have been require, or smokin dope .... woulda been required.. I drank like a fish 74-95, but found I was a loner in THAT as well.. I think many of us do something sub-consciously to self sabotage when it comes to "being' part of the family (Me the black sheep) ":being" part of any, more than 2 ppl group...Like you, I would never recieve a call for fill in work as a "1st" choice, or called to help move, or called to help plan an event/ festival etc...Like you, Ive never really HAD a best friend all these yrs. Have very few "freinds" on FB, but when I search HS groups of classes of 76 -78, THERE THEY ARE.... those cliques... those 4-5 ppl belonging to a group that I didnt then or wanna fit into NOW..Its come full circle...LOL..Lookin back now, I wouldnt be the "individual" , happy operating on my own time, thinkin outside the box the way Ive always prided myself on,being able to stay TRUE to myself without outside influence..OH , Ive had to Go along to GET along, speshally here in this MUCH different way of life in the 21st, but THATS necassary to survive nowdays. which is why I really feel for young ppl, often having to choice but to some how seek that peer approval totally online.Anyway, just thought Id share my thoughts, and self discovery over 40+yrs... I hope you find / discover what your feeling is that this may be a natural occurence , depicting the way you really are, (more of a loner) ,(self choice NOT to fit in) to which there shouldnt be any shame.