So recently I've been thinking about dying a lot. Like, I've always joked about killing myself, but as more time passes I've honestly been considering it more and more. What would be the best way to do it? Where I should do it so my mom doesn't have to be the one to find me? Should I leave a not? Or is that too cliché? lol. And honestly, I don't really have a good reason for wanting to die. I'm just really tired of being alive. It just seems really pointless to me now. I'm tired of having to pretend. Pretending I like people I don't. Pretending I'm okay when I'm not. Having to do things just because it's what I should do (if that even makes sense). Having friends stresses me out. Talking to people stresses me out. Thinking about how people think about me stresses me out. Maybe I'm being selfish. No, I'm definitely being selfish. But I'm honestly really tired of caring. It exhausting. Only small things make me happy now like, watching a show or reading, but even those things end. And honestly what's the point of living for small things like that anyway. I'm just taking up space. lol. I don't know if I'm really going to kill myself. I really want to. I hope I get the courage to. I keep hoping maybe I'll have a heart attack, or aneurism, or get a blood clot or something so I won't have to do it myself. I don't know. Maybe I just want attention. I don't think I do, or do I? lol Idk.