This is my first time doing this so I hope I do it right. Also, if you're homophobic or anything like that you may not want to read any further. I just needed somewhere to get this out because sometimes it really bothers me how I don't really have anyone close to me that understands my sexuality or gender. I live in the southern part of the US, more specifically in Alabama, so most people here are religious, racist, homophobic, etc. So my family doesn't accept it either. Growing up I was aware that I was different than other girls I knew because I didn't like playing with Barbie dolls or wearing dresses like girls are "supposed to like." And my family referred to me as a tomboy. It wasn't until 11th grade when I realized that I like girls. And looking back now, I realize that I liked girls even way before then in as far back as 6th grade. One reason I didn't realize it back then is because I barely even knew what being gay or lesbian was. Also, when I would think of a certain girl I had a crush on at that time and I experienced certain feelings for her I would tell myself I'm not gay, I don't like girls, because my family had taught me it was wrong or bad. So for years I swore I was straight until 11th grade. My best friend at the time had came out to me in 9th grade as bi, but even then I still didn't know anything about the LGBTQ+ community. But then I met a girl who identified as pansexual. And a few months after knowing her I developed feelings for her. For about three days I struggled with accepting it. I knew my family wouldn't approve and I was afraid they would abandon me. I tried to tell myself like before, I'm not gay, I don't like girls. But after those three days I gave up because, well, I guess I realized it wasn't going away. I thought about keeping it a secret, and I did, until the girl I liked asked me out. I decided to come out to my grandmother, mom, brother, and then my brother outted me to my dad. My mom also told my step father. And of course my best friend already knew because she was there with me when the girl asked me out. My best friend understood, but we aren't friends anymore for other reasons. Me and that girl ended up breaking up. But I still like girls of course. I had originally came out as bi, but now I identify as lesbian even thought I'm not completely sure. I know I like girls, but not sure about the rest. I also have realized my gender is not female. I identify as non binary. But back to the main point, nobody in my family understands me. My step father is pretty homophobic. He's made jokes before about my sexuality and he hasn't spoken to me since my mom told him about me. Him and my mom are "Christians." My mom still associates with me, but she doesn't really understand and sometimes she still says things like, "There's you a boyfriend." I've talked to her many times and told her that I don't like boys and I don't want a boyfriend, but she still continues to say things. My step father I really don't like though because of his jokes. And sometimes I really want to do something about some things. For example, Jojo Siwa came out and my mom had heard the news. Soon after my step father heard that too and my mom told me that he said that we can't buy my little half sister, who is almost 6, anymore Jojo Siwa stuff. She's a big fan of Jojo, but since she came out my step father doesn't want to buy anymore stuff of hers because I guess it supports her. It's really ridiculous to me. Today my mom, me, my half sister, and two of my half brothers went to Walmart. We were in the little kids clothes section and my half sister saw a Jojo Siwa dress. She wanted to buy it, but mom said no and said her daddy doesn't want her to have stuff like that. My half sister asked why, and mom didn't answer. I really wanted to just say, "Because Jojo Siwa has a girlfriend and your daddy is homophobic so he doesn't want to buy anything supporting her anymore." But then again she wouldn't understand that because she hasn't been taught about the LGBTQ+ community and doesn't know what homophobia is, and also my mom would get mad at me for telling her things like that because her and my step father don't want her to know about that stuff. Which I think is really dumb, but they are the parents, not me. Anyway, my dad doesn't understand me and I don't stay with him anymore, but when I did it's like he would bring my sexuality up all the time and we'd get in arguments over it. My brother doesn't get it either. My grandmother I'd say is the most ok with it. She said that she still loves me. Since then, I've came out to my other grandmother (she had a hard time dealing with it. She was heartbroken.), my great grandparents found out on their own and I haven't seen them in person since so I don't really know their reaction, two of my cousins (who don't understand), and my therapist (who isn't homophobic, but still doesn't understand). The only friends I have now are internet friends, so I literally have nobody in my personal life that understands or is going through the same struggles as me. I don't really feel alone because I know that there are many others out there who are just like me, I just hate the feeling of never being understood, and I also hate how I don't have anyone on my side. Like, my whole family is against the community, so they have each other, ya know, to express their opinions and stuff and be understood and be accepted and treated equally, but I don't have that. I'm the only one here that can defend what I feel for people of the same sex, and half the time I can't even do that because if I do, I get lectured or I have an argument to put up with. I just hope that in the future we can all live happily being who we are without being judged or discriminated against. To anyone who took the time to read this, thank you.