Nothing I feel nothing but a fleeting moment of what I feel like is joy, it never last long, God made a useless idiot that can't seem to do anything right. I have no self-control or motivation in anything I do. No matter what I do its never enough fr, anybody, I'm adopted and I love my family but my dad was always cold, I tried telling him that I'm proud of myself for not getting into drugs or alcohol since if 15, his first words were ins, not you, it me and mom we don't drink and we give a good example, that doesn't matter in the slightest then today a tried something dumb with a torch and a can of starter fluid. they walked out and of course, I got in trouble, but the last thing he said in the conversation was the fact, the context I knew my biological parents, our just like your dad, with the coldest look I've ever seen on anyone's face, it been a whole day and it still hurts to think about. I really think our relationship won't be the same, even if later he says I didn't mean it, I know that he did and that's not the worst thing I've had happened. Almost two years ago he threatened to unadopt up. that's the first time i ever consider hurting my self, I'm thinking about doing it now either it just hurts so much but at the exact same time I don't feel anything .