Dont even know what it is that I'm going to write but i just feel so heavy hearted for no apparent reason. I just feel everything would be better for everyone if i wasn't there. I don't even know what i feel anymore, its constant stress and nothing else. I'm not from a well-off family and every action i think about revolves around the feeling how better would my family have been if i wouldn't be here. I don't even have the courage to end it and yet not a single day goes by when i haven't said myself to die, I've heard about a story where they don't cut a tree but curse at it and eventually the tree dies and i keep hoping that it happens to me.