Now i remeber. The fact that I am unable to keep a peice od myself seperate. People dont quite grasp the idea of an arrested emotional development at specific ages, and how that effects my ability to process and work through emotion. So easy for most. For me, when i say it hurts indont just mean the burn of unshed tears pressing against the backnof your eyes I mean a physical pain that is felt body wide. At times, I want to rip my skin apart and crawl out of my own body to make it stop. Other tines, the pain makes me incapaboe of the next breath. And unlike normal people, my mental growth paused when grandpa got to me at 6, 7, 8, until 14, and a peice of me crawled into a black corner For surviaval, in a child, this must happen. But any unseen emotional mental and orher growrh that occurs at this age stops too. Emotions are frozen at that young age. Processing and therfore "getting over" something isnt for me what it is for you. Thats why i wear my heart on my sleeve. I am incapable of not. When i love, i do so on a deeper and completly open no holding back level. Therfore, i am unable to keep any distance. Though i try. My pain is double what you can imagine. And it will be like that for longer then possible. You do me no favors coming into my life. No service. Not to your fault. I do not think you do or can truley understand the depthbof damage that is done when a little girl gets fucked. But i did. And i let you in anyways. So this is my fault, my pain to bear. Alone. Again.